12 April "My Daily Gifts"

12 April

“My Daily Gifts”

3 Gifts Worn

 

1. my heart on my sleeve.

I wear this daily, and instead of shying away from it, or feeling ashamed, I am proud that this is the person I was created to be. All my life, my mother has pointed out “you wear your heart on your sleeve”, and it was said in such a way that led me to believe that this was a fault, and should be remedied. However in the last ten years I have really felt deep down inside that this is a good thing – not a bad thing. I believe this character trait has served me well – especially in the career I have chosen. It allows me to experience life fully, in a way that many people don’t. And therefore I can come alongside my clients and friends as I can literally feel them. Their pain, their joy and every emotion in between. Wearing your heart on your sleeve means that you love deeply, hurt genuinely and cry intensely, but this can be a good thing. The thought of not being this way actually makes me fearful, as it would mean that I am not as intense and greatly involved in my world. This works for me, and I am proud of it…..now.

2. The breastplate of righteousness.

The bible speaks of us as believers wearing the “armour of God”, and one part of the armour is the breastplate of righteousness. This breastplate (in Knights of the Round Table terms) protects the wearer from getting a sword in the heart. The heart is known figuratively as the inner most part of our being. So therefore the breastplate represents a protection of the inner part of our being. A couple of my favourite bible verses are: Prov 4:23 "Above all else guard your heart; for out of it are the issues of life".

Matt 15:18 “But what comes out of the mouth comes from the heart, and this defiles a man”.

We need to learn to protect our heart from outside influences that seek to steal and destroy our joy, and also from self condemnation which further seeks to ruin our life by our own negative thoughts and beliefs. Being aware of this means that we can choose to live our life in offensive mode, by being prepared that life will throw whatever it can at you, to bring you down. I now choose to make a stand every day to protect myself, and to guard my heart and to be mindful of the words of negativity – or death – that I speak over my life.

I believe the “righteousness” part, comes from my relationship with God – you may believe differently- but we all have the ability to tap into our spirit and protect our heart from the outside influences that seek to steal our joy and ruin our life.

3. Self confidence.

I went out tonight with a group of women who have been slogging it out at boot camps, outdoor training and gyms for 12wks to 12mths or more. We all enjoyed a dinner together, dancing and drinks. The sense of accomplishment, and pride (without ego attached) was so refreshing. Each woman has a story to tell about why they are doing the Michelle Bridges 12WBT and how they are going, how they manage to fit all the training in, and how they adapt the new lifestyle into their life. Putting on self confidence is now a lot easier for me, but I need to remember that I worked bloody hard to get to this point. My new found confidence didn’t get handed to me. I had to work at self discipline, and I had to pick myself up and keep trying when all I wanted to do was quit. The benefits of sticking to a routine and making myself train when I am tired, sore or lazy, I can be thankful for now. It was a privilege to be in such company, as each woman was inspirational and wore their self confidence with such a positive glow that it has spurred me on to make new goals – and to join a running group on a Sunday morning – God help me!!! (apparently they talk at the same time, OMG)

 

11 April "My Daily Gifts"

11 April

“My Daily Gifts”

3 gifts budding/blooming

 

I am thinking that the theme for today is to coincide with the northern hemisphere’s spring time. So let me take you down the path of  3 things that are coming to a rest /end as well as budding/blooming, now that the downward run into winter is upon us.

 

1. Denial.

You know the saying – “Denial is a river in Egypt”! I have been living in denial for about 6 months. And omg it was such a great place to be in. I was able to escape, and dream and live anywhere but in my reality – which has been overwhelmingly hard to face at times. However, I have been coming back to reality in the last month – sometimes it would rise up and smash me in the face, and then retreat for a time, only to rise up again. I am told that it is a protective mechanism that your brain uses in order to cope. So I am thankful for the intricacies of my brain that allowed me to make it thru the last 6 months relatively intact, and able to face the next 6 months.

But it is time for denial to end, and for reality to begin its residency in my life. I believe I am ready. I believe my inner strength has been trying to begin its springtime blooming/budding, although I think there were a few unexpected frosts that came thru and stopped my growth, before the warmer weather began and allowed the first buds of strength to push thru, (to use a seasonal metaphor).

2. Hiding Away.

It came to my attention that I have been doing a little bit of “hermit-like” behaviour. I have been regularly unfriending on FB, in order to minimise the gossip that is going on – dobbing to one’s mother has a way of making one close ranks! Blocking people out on FB and in the real world has been another coping mechanism. The funny thing is that I am simultaneously pursuing new relationships with old friends that I haven’t had much to do with in the past. This hasn’t been planned, more like they were placed back in my life at an appropriate time.

I like that I am simultaneously pruning friendships and allowing others to blossom. How ironic.

3. fourth week with house on the market.

I am still waiting to sell this house. I never thought I would get to the point where I was excited to leave, but it is finally how I feel. Nearly seven years here, two babies born and many hours spent cleaning and working in the garden. Lovingly creating a home that I am peaceful in. But that kinda never came to fruition. I was always restless and wanting to leave this house / neighbourhood / lifestyle. Now I am weeks away from moving and instead of being scared, I am excited for what is coming next. God is gracious, and his timing is perfect, and I know that the house will sell when it is right. So I am not stressed, I am peaceful….ironic eh? The end of one chapter is paving the way for my next one, and I am renewed with energy and excitement when I think about this aspect of my life and what’s coming up.

 

May you be blessed with simultaneous seasons of blooming and coming to an end, with summer and winter, so that you know things will always change, and you will have something to look forward to and look back upon xx

3 April "My Daily Gifts"

3 April Joy Dare

3 Gifts surprisingly found

 

I like my own company. I always wondered if I might like to go back to being single, during the course of my marriage. But I didn’t entertain it too much, cos of course I would always stay married. Right?

 

I found a gift on my door step this morning! As I stepped out to take my kids to school there was a little post box on the step that looked like a book. I put it inside – puzzled, but too rushed to open it – and came back home intrigued after the kids were safely away for the day. It turned out to be Anh Do’s book The Happiest Refugee.

I had only been talking about it with a friend a couple night’s before, and he had sent it to me – a gift!

My first one in a long time. It was such a thoughtful gesture. It made me smile and warmed my soul for the first time in months, as only such a pure and simple gift can do.

 

My third gift is in new found friendships. Being a single gal in this big bad world again isn’t scary at all. There are so many people out there in FB land, my neighbourhood and in social circles previously untended, who are really, willing and able to hang out, have a chat, and do life with me. Being able to broaden my friendship circles, meet new people and re-acquaint myself with old school friends has made me realise how

2 April Joy Dare

2 April Joy Dare

3 Gifts White

 

I don’t have much “white” in my life at the moment. No-one is giving me flowers, I am not getting married, nor am I buying a new car. All these things could be white.

But isn’t it weird that when I was thinking, “what on earth will I write about?” these are the three things that came to mind…..?

 

So here is my reflection for today;

Flowers are a gift for the giver and the receiver. White flowers to me are a symbol of purity, peace and simplicity. I love receiving flowers of any kind, and I love flowering pot plants of any kind. Peace lilies make me happy when I walk by them in a room, (and I am really good at keeping them alive!) A wedding bouquet created with white blooms of all different kinds, is a most lovely reminder of hope and love. White lilies are also used on caskets for funerals. Again, a simple way to honour a life lost, gestured with love and kindness.

Flowers bring beauty to the most wonderful or the most devastating of situations. Whether it’s a dinner party gift or a condolence, the power of a white flower to convey warmth and affection is powerful. Flowers should be given “just because” more often. They fill the heart with love and restore hope. Saying “I love you” is welcomed, but so is having a white flower picked from the neighbour’s garden…just sayin’

 

I love seeing the gift of a bride in white. White wedding dresses offer a woman a moment to shine, feel beautiful, feel adored, feel like they can get their small moment in the spotlight. An intricately beaded white dress, or gorgeous fabric adorned with crystals, it captures my imagination. A woman in a white wedding dress, offers her man a promise, a gift and an expectation of hope. Whether it lasts or not, that makes no difference, a woman walks down the aisle as a gift ready to be received with love and strength. The whole concept of marriage, romance and long lasting love is still a prospect that is appealing to many women, and I hope men too. It is my opinion that most people want the security of a strong and unified marriage partnership, one that supports, nurtures and encourages one another. To me, a white dress offers not a symbol of the bride being pure – we do live in the 21^st century after all – but it is a symbol of purity for the couple – it symbolises a clean slate. It is the start of their life as a unified team, to stand together, with strength, love and kindness, patience and honour, respect and peace. So with that in mind, the guy should be in white too.

And be on a deserted beach, with no one else around for miles, with no shoes, with no music but the waves crashing and wind whistling thru the palm trees…..oops, okay, that’s my fantasy…you go ahead and create yours.

 

When I think of a white car, I think of a Holden. A white Holden. I have no idea why, cos I drive a Territory. Men: feel free to abuse me ….NOW!! (to be honest, I don’t care about cars or what make they are, but I would love your comments on why Holden’s are shite and Fords are better, or vice versa).

Not sure what it relates to in this joy dare, but maybe I want to be given a gift of a white Holden?

But thank you God that I can drive a car, and that I have the $$ to afford keeping one.

 

Okay, that’s it. Night xx

18 March Joy Dare

 

3 Gifts Red

 

I love colour, and for years it was green – in all shades. But in the last two years, my decorating colour of choice was red. I see it as being bold, vibrant, exciting, encouraging and demanding of attention.

 

Let me tell you a story about my experiences with the colour red:

A while back I bought a new dining room table from Ikea (swoon, fav shop when I am cashed up), and I desperately wanted to have red chairs of all different shapes and designs around it. That was vetoed (apparently Red would “date”).

So then I thought about cushions of red in all different shades and combos and patterns? But that was too costly.

So I just bought the matching cheaper brown chairs. It seemed like the easiest choice and the path of least resistance.

 

And then a few months later I was bitching and moaning to the Ex about how I was disappointed that I got the boring chairs, when all my heart desired was to have the red chairs. And then this popped out unexpectedly…

“Don’t you get it? I AM THE RED CHAIR!!!”

I had never articulated that kind of thought before. It simply slipped out in a moment of equal parts frustration and despair.  I stopped in my tracks as I realised that I had changed from the bold, vibrant, encouraging, demanding Belle that we all know and love (don’t we??!!!), to the bland, cheaper, drab version that blended in.

I believe this is when the death knells began tolling.

 

So I am thankful for the colour red, and that my attraction to the colour was more about my internal need to return to who I actually am, rather than who I thought I was expected to be…..

 

And just to complete the Dare, here are two more Red things im thankful for:

I love the colour of strawberries growing in my garden at this time of year. I love it when you cant see any and then you lift the leaves and voila! There they are, all glimmering and dark red and luscious looking.

 

I love Benji wearing red. It makes him look so handsome and kissable. He was wearing a red t-shirt yesterday and against his olive skin and brown eyes, oh I could just stare at him forever. Love love love that child.

Halfway thru the Dares....

Since starting to write my Joy Dares and post them on Facebook, i am getting messages by so many people saying how they can relate to what I am writing about. They love reading my posts, and they get so much out of it.
Then they usually divulge a little of their own story (or a lot, depending on the person) and they share with me just a desperation, a desire and a disappoinment or two.
I feel honoured that as I have opened up and revealed my own pain and my own experiences, so too have others. The magic of FB is that even though i already know my "friends", it still feels a little anonymous. Sometimes i see a post from someone who doesnt normally post and think "oh crap, they are reading about my whole life"....and so i have un-friended a few people, but mostly i have kept them.
cos honestly, this is me. if you want to be my Fb friend or real friend, then you dont get an abridged version, you just get me. painful posts and all.

i am regularly surprised by the "likes" and comments and messages that are being generated by my Dares, and i am surprised by the people who say they dont like them. what's not to like? unless it stirs something within themselves that needs to be looked at and processed?

doing this Dare journey (apologies for that word) is allowing me to focus each night on being thankful and self reflective - two things that i feel are very important in order to grow and learn.
the older i get, and the more intent on being the best, most self relfective person i can be, i realise that not everyone engages in self reflection. I think i am a little obsessed with thinking about what i think about. but hey, thats just me. i am concerned for those people who never take the time to think about and analyse why they do the things they do, or why they react the way they react, or why they have the opinions they have.
but i accept that this is the way my brain works, and i am always seeking to learn as much as i can and apply it to my life. however i can be very stubborn to change, as i need to experience before i accept.....therefore no-one can say " i think you are being XYZ"....unless they say it in a way that is non-combative and gentle....and then i have time to pause and relfect (!) and then i can take it on board. but if i am told "you are such a XYZ" i will just say "whatever" and continue on my way.
maybe this is the next pattern i can work on and fix??? hahaha my ex husband would probably appreicate that.

but i digress...the purpose of this post was to express my thanks to all of those who are doing the hard yards behind the scenes, but had the courage to share with me how they are going.
being in a relationship is a hard slog, and when someone you know bails out, or is left, it can bring up feelings from deep within you. So i want to encourage you, that this is my story, and it feels right for me. but your story will need to unfold in its own time and with your own courage attached to you.
i truly believe that if you can put your hand on your heart and say you did everything you could and could never be accused of not giving it your all, then you should leave. but if there is the smallest bit inside you that thinks maybe you could try one last time...then you should honour yourself and give it one last shot.

being thankful each day gives me hope that tomorrow or the next day can be amazing. that even if life feels hard, the sun will come out again maybe even brighter than it was before. that's what God stirs within me to be honest - hope. and that is what this Joy Dare is all about for me!

17 March Joy Dare

A gift turned, folded and hung.

 

Finally a set of things that is easy to write about!

Today my parents came to help me get the house ready for the agent to take photos. I didn’t have the kids this weekend, so it meant I had plenty of time after work yesterday and all day today to get this house looking as pretty as I could!

I have packed about 20 boxes already with toys, books, linens and kitchen items we aren’t actually using at the moment. It makes me wonder if we really need those items at all anymore….?

Selling and moving is a tough gig at any time I think, but I am fighting the tinges of bitterness that are creeping in every now and then.

Thank God I had my parents here to help me do the lawns and sweep the pavers and generally tidy up the entire living areas and strip beds and dust skirting boards and clean windows and pack more boxes and move boxes to the garage and de clutter the kitchen benches and clean spider webs off outdoor areas and kills massive red-backs and move furniture and wipe walls down from Picasso’s handiworks and scrubbed bathrooms with my Enjo gloves and I even used chemicals today (OMG! they totally work…if I wasn’t such an eco freak and against chemicals I would totally use them all the time. Now I know why the aisle in the supermarket if full of them!)

 

In short our work was nothing less than turning (down beds, as we made them), folded (washing done and dusted), and hung (paintings on the walls to freshen it up, and clothing hung away neatly in the closet).

This house looks pristine – hell, I’d buy it! I don’t even want to sell it!

But more than that, my parents really helped me during a day that could have been overwhelmingly hard, and isolating and full of disappointment at the thought of having to say goodbye to my home of almost 7 years.

 

I know that my next step will be good (as I truly love moving and setting up in new digs) but this time, I feel like it is bittersweet due to the circumstances. The worst moment for me was when I engaged the agent on my own. It felt like a stab thru the heart as I realised the depth of my decision. It’s all good, don’t get me wrong, but there are markers along the way of this journey* that highlight the good and bad stuff that I need to process and make peace with.

So I am feeling very relaxed and calm in my spotless and de-cluttered home, as I lay in bed and type this day’s Dare. It really is true that throwing out stuff, and clearing space in the physical realm, does the same for the mental realm.

 

* while all attempts during this Joy Dare are made to not use the word “journey” there are times when no other word is appropriate. Sincerest apologies to those who vomited whilst reading today’s dare. xx