Could it be an allergy?

I thought I would be very honest and share with you (whoever reads this!) my long journey with what i thought was PMS-type symptoms, and general "food issues".
It started years ago, where I would find myself seething with rage for what seemed to be no apparent reason. The mood-swings would come without warning, and I would feel really uncomfortable within my own skin. I would feel like I wanted to run far far away, but I knew that I could not run from what was inside me.
After the birth of my first child I was very angry...expecially at my boyfriend at the time. There was nothing he could do that was right, I actually hated him. I would hate to look at him, I would hate to think about him. He wasnt a bad person, he just didn't bring out my best. However, the feelings of loathing I had for him were to me, NOT normal. I went on antidepressants for a few months, and then started to like him again. However I knew that the only reason I liked him was because I was medicated.....so stopped taking them, and then we broke up - for good.

I sought the help of an accupuncturist for what I thought were severe PMS symptoms: mood swings, anger, irritability...nothing physical, all mental. After a couple months of treatment with needles and herbs I did feel a lot better and the symptoms abated.

After the birth of my second child (with my new hubby!), I felt fine. So I decided that after my first child I must have had post natal depression, and not PMS. However about 6 months after my son was born I broke out in a rash that was very itchy and difficult to ease. The itch was on knees, elbows, knuckles and ankles. Then it spread to thighs and torso. It would come up in welts when it was what I called "reactive" and then retreat to just a slightly bumpy appearance when it was what I called "happy".
The itch persisted for months, and some nights were just awful with how itchy it was. I remember feeling like killing myself at times just to let go of the itch. The thoughts were always transient, maybe lasting for a few moments, but they were startling and very concerning.

I loved my two kiddies, and I loved my husband. I loved the work that I did, the house I had - why would I have suicidal thoughts?Was the itch really that bad? Well, actually it was really bad.
I had to take steroids in order to suppress the itch...and then after I weaned off them the itch stayed away......

.....until the birth of my third child. Then the itch came back with a vengeance. It was totally unbearable. It would last all day and night. Areas would "flare" and then retreat, so I always had an itch. Always. It was the middle of summer when it was at its worst, and some days I just didn't know how I would get through the day with my two little babies and my big girl at school.
......
And then the feelings of being trapped, very angry and wanting to just run away came back. It crept up slowly and then took off. I felt like I was literally going to lose the plot some times.
.....
And then, the stomach pains got really bad. I would have to take panodol or nurofen in order to take the edge off (even though I was breastfeeding my little one). Sundays I would always have to sleep for a few hours because of the pain (hubby used to work 6 days a week most weeks, so I couldnt sleep during the week).

Finally I went back to my dermatologist and told him that enough was enough. He diagnosed stress. But gave me no alternative to steroids and antihistamines (which I couldnt take cos I was feeding baby #3). So then I sought a second opinion. (I am sure my GP thought I was weird because I wouldn't accept the first opinion...and it looked like I was headed for a psych hospital. Some days I would be so frantic with the heat and itch....)
My second Dermatologist said it was "hives" and stress-related. And then I cried. I said thru tears "So what am I allergic to?" He gave me a printed handout that listed all the foods I needed to avoid.
The list was very long of the foods I needed to avoid.
The list was very short of the foods I could eat "safely"......so I cried again.

I then made an appointment with RPA Allergy clinic, and after a three month (itchy) wait, I was diagnosed as having chemical intolerance, namely to Salicylates, Gluten, Dairy and Soy. This was discovered due to being on a strict elimination diet that allowed me to do food challenges to help me determine the problematic foods.

During the initial stages I realised that I actually felt better after three weeks, but then felt terrible again during the challenges (this meant I was reacting, and thus failing the challenges). Now at least I had some idea of what was causing the rash and the bad thoughs.

I have been on this eating plan for a year now. I never have bad thoughts, unless I eat those foods which have proven to be troublesome - however it takes a good 3-4 weeks until they come back....with a vengeance. I don't get hives anymore, unless I eat chocolate every day for a couple weeks (Easter is a difficult time of year!)

I have written this post with the intention that I may help someone else who is struggling with weight, negative thoughts, depression, anger, agression (plus more) and cant seem to find an answer. My moods were definitely related to the foods that I was eating. Now that I am very strict (out of necessity, not out of vanity) I feel and look better than I ever have.

.......
it has now been another year since i wrote everything above. I am sooo much better. I still stick to a very strict, low salicylate, gluten and dairy diet. I dont feel like it is restrictive, as i actually crave my "safe" foods more than the "harmful" ones, (except ice cream...i still love ice cream!)
I am hardly ever angry anymore.
I am never suicidal.
I am abosultely have joy in my life again.
I have the most wonderful marriage now (because I am not angry and moody all the time).

........

I share this because i want other people to know the bondage that food can create if you are sensitive to it. I want people to understand that it is totally within their power to change their life for the better.
My road was very very difficult - i resisted sticking to my diet on many occasions. But i realised over time that i actually felt better with out chocolate and ice cream and pasta. Overtime i stopped even caring that i couldnt eat like other people - because i was healthy and happy again (perhaps happier than i have ever been).

If this sounds like you, like you are on a roller coast of emotion, then GET OFF IT...NOW!

You only get one life. There are plenty of people to support you, and encrouage you. Makje a change - even a little one, and see what opens up for you.

What does this make us?

I am going out on a limb here....
I am sickened at the media who are gluttonous for explicit details of a man's death. First we had Saddam Hussein, then Osama Bin Laden and now Colonel Gaddafi.
YES, I know that these men were mercilous in their quest for power, they killed thousands, they injured many more. They broke families and they destroyed the hopes of thousands of small innocent children.
Even though they did all of this, why are "we" rejoicing in their demise? What does that make us?

If one of the greatest commandments of all is to "love one another", then how can our rejoicing in someone else's death (and it would seem a very painful one) make us any better than them?

Would it be better they are brought to justice, and given the chance to think about their wrongdoings and have them perhaps even turn away from it? (Says i who is not a direct victim of any of their actions).

If we are teaching our kids that two wrongs don't make a right, then this example of "lets kill the bastards" is contra to that message. It makes us hippacrites. Is that who I want to be?
Is there ever a good reason to kill another person, by engaging in saddistic, ritualistic killing?

My heart goes out to the people behind the killings. The government agencies who spend their time at work searching for a person so they can have them killed. How do you go home to your children and kiss them on the head? How do you go home to your spouse and make love with the knowledge of what you have seen and heard that day at work?

I am glad I am not a part of any of it. I am glad that these people are so far removed from my every day. I think it would weight heavily on my shoulders. I will pray for their emotional health, and thank them for their service to making my world a safer place.
But i shall also pray for the men's families that were killed in the process. For the hurts that keep on happening. For the tit-for-tat in the international war on terrorism.

Will it ever stop?