Forget Hollywood.....this is the reall truth about birthing.

Something I am passionate about is that women are being sold a lie when it comes to birthing. I feel that we are being told so many "scare tactics" that we forget some very basic and simple truths....

• our bodies were created to give birth
• birthing is a natural event
• managing the sensations of birthing is something that is within every woman
• FEAR is the main reason why natural birthing can get a little "out of control"

I want to share with you some of the reasons why I feel women are getting the wrong end of the stick.

It starts with Hollywood.
TV has a lot to answer for when it comes to giving birth. I hear stories all the time from midwives and other birthing professionals, where women roll up to the delivery suite in early labour, and just up straight on the bed and lay there waiting to give birth. Does this sound right to you? If it does, then you too are a victim of the Hollywood mentality.
Firslty, early labour is not a time to be in hospital.
Secondly, early labour is when it is ideal to be walking around, rocking, swaying and gently moving so that the pelvis has time to relax and settle into labour.
Laying on a reclining bed with legs bent at the knee and compressing the tailbone does not encourage relaxation of the pelvis!
Lets not forget established labour either! Managing contractions whilst laying on a table not only minimises the use of gravity, but it actually can hinder the baby moving down easily into the birth canal.
What it does do however, is gives the doctor an easy birds' eye view of your vagina, and gives her easy access to pull that baby out.
Does that sound good to you? Well, those who say "yes" need to have another think about it.
Pulling the baby out can cause trauma to the baby and the mother. How about we think about getting her into a postion where she can use gravity to assist her body pushing naturally, and she can breathe her baby out in to the world? (....more on that later....)

So getting back to Hollywood.....When you think about a birthing woman, is she panting, screaming, yelling obscenities at her man? Well, then she is way out of control and not using her body to assist her baby to birth. When you are in a state where your heart rate is high, you are on edge, you feel angry and ready to argue and fight, then you can be sure that adrenaline is coursing through your system and preparing you for flight or fight. This is terrific if you are under threat of imminent danger, but in a birthing situation this can be disastrous.

Picture the woman who is leaning over a birthing ball, or leaning into her husband's arms and is gently breathing and rocking, or moaning through her contractions. There is music playing softly in the background, the lights are low and the curtains are drawn. There is a candle or two on the table, and there is some neroli and clary sage essential oils burning in the corner of the room.
Picture the woman who is up on the delivery bed, she is attached to a drip, and monitors. She cannot stand up and move around because of the equipment, and she is shuddering and hollering through each contraction. She is squeezing her partner's hand so tightly he asks her not to do it so hard because it is hurting him. She screams back "Do you think that hurts? You should be feeling THIIIIIISSSSSS!"

Both women are in the same stage of labour, but are experiencing very different things. Both women are in natural labour (ie not induced medixally) and both women are using various techniques like heat to manage the pain. What is the difference? Why is one dealing with it more easily than the other?

The first woman has learned to control her breathing and she is assisting her body with the birthing process. She is relaxing into the contractions, and allowing them to wash over her. She is birthing without fear attached. This is not luck. This is not by chance. She has simply learned about her body and she is using the very body she was created in to manage the sensations she is experiencing and to be very present in the process.

Breathing is the very essence of who we are. Learning to switch on the Para Sympathetic Nervous System will allow a state of calm and peace to wash over you, and to get rid of that adrenaline which puts you in a heightened state. Adrenaline allows you to feel every sensation in the body. Your mind is quick to react and you will feel even the smallest sensation. Birthing requires adrenaline to depart and endorphins to kick in.

Stay tuned to learn how easy it is to learn how to shift your mental state, and enjoy your labour......

This afternoon i was sitting on the balcony with my two youngest and we waived goodbye to hubby and eldest, as they walked up the road to the shops.
my 2y.o cried his eyes out as he realised they were leaving. he sat there with eyes brimming with tears calling out "dadda", "tara" as they walked off up the hill. his little hands reaching out thru the balcony bars and finally the tears rolling down his cheeks. it was the saddest moment.
while i was watching him, i was overcome with sadness for people whom i have never met. people who lived another lifetime, in another world - Nazi Germany.
Children from Jewish families experienced a scene just like i did today. little hands reaching out for their brothers and sisters. tears falling for their mummy and daddy. but unlike my little boy, they never had the chance to run to their daddy 15 mins later when he came home with bread and milk.
they were crying for a loss more complete than my little boy hopefully will ever know. theirs was one of total devasatation and a moment where their lives inexplicably changed forever. they cried real tears of sadness - just like my boy - except there was no happy ending for them. forever that moment was imprinted on their minds. each time they faced another time to say goodbye to someone - who knew if they were saying goodbye for the last time? after that initial moment where they lost their loved one, no other moment is the same. there is always a sense of loss and fear that is imprinted on their little minds. the world is no longer a safe place.
for my son, that moment is long forgotten as he is scooped up in his dad's arms for a cuddle. there is no prolonged sense of loss. mummy reassured her little boy and he was distracted with another toy to play with.
it is unimaginable what those little children suffered thru during the Jewish round-up in WW2. but i can imagine what those mother's felt like - seeing their children distressed and not being able to calm or allay their fears. for you cannot reason with a two year old - no matter what the circumstances are. all you can do is cuddle them and whisper quiet loving words to them of reassurance. how hard it would be to reassure a little one, when you weren't even sure what the future would hold. the women of a lost generation are strong and courageous, they are self sacrificing and brave.
their burdens were bigger than any i have ever had to bear.my life seems difficult at times, but  after today, i will always be grateful for what i have - not for what i dont have. for what i dont have could be much worse. it could be a whole lot worse. my life could be reduced to moments of fear and loss. of uncertainty and of sadness so great you wonder how a heart could possibly hold up.
but for the grace of God, i was born in the 70's, safely away from Nazi Germany. in a land where my biggest burdens are that i have too much and my waist line may grow bigger. i thank God that i am blessed with a family and community that doesnt know that kind of suffering and hardship. where we abuse each other on the road because we are not going fast enough...not because we are escaping to a safer place, but because we need to race home to see our favourite show, or get to a footy game in time.
how diferent our world view would be if we were look at it through these eyes.
thank you Jewish mothers for showing us your strength and bravery in a dark time and place.
thank you my little boy for giving me a moment that allowed me to widen my heart to be more compassionate of others.

Police are always copping it!

This week we hear of a tragedy involving police in a high speed chase, that ended with a family of three killed, and the driver of the speeding car also killed.
Yesterday i was incensed (!) listening to Ray Hadley on 2GB as he was referring to the deceased speeding driver as a "criminal" and a "murderer", and that he "couldn't care less" about this person.
I was quite distressed listening to Ray's rant, which was very pro-police (there were lots of people sayig that Police should not be pursuing at high speeds suspected criminals), and he kept referring to the driver who was killed and caused the other three people to die as a low life, and someone whose family should be ashamed of.

Let me first state my position: our police do the hardest job in the world. They dont get much respect these days, they are unappreciated and hated and spat at (or worse) shot at ....this is completely wrong. Our police look after us, and try to keep us safe in an evil world. To them and their families, i say "thank you".

Telling police that they should not have been chasing a speeding driver as it leads to further issues (like innocent people losing their lives), is not the answer. To me, the answer is harder to find. Its easy to play the blame game when you have 20/20 hindsight vision. I reckon they should be chasing drivers who are doing the wrong thing....isn't it the driver who should have obeyed the flashing lights and pulled over?
(disrepecting authority is a whole other issue).

Okay, so the real reason for me to put fingers to the keyboard, is that i was disgusted at how Ray Hadley was speaking about the driver that was being chased. Its true: he did disobey the police, he did drive at very high speeds, and he did lose control and kill himself and three other people. BUT he is still someone's son, brother, cousin, friend...and now he is gone.
Has the world really gone to a place where we can speak with such anger about people and forget that they were a broken person, who made a mistake? A very huge mistake, and one that has affected many many lives forever more. But at the end of the day, he was just a man who made a mistake. I dont think Ray Hadley, that this gives you the right to speak so badly of him.

If this was my family i would be incensed too. I would be angry and venegeful, but i also hope that after the dust settled i wouldnt keep hating. It doesnt help anyone, and just adds to the poison in the world.

Open to comments.......

it was a double blessing

this week we had a lodger come to stay with us who was in between housing. At first we thought it was us who were being a blessing to him...but looking back over the week i can see that it was us who was also blessed.
You see, my hubby and I are not on the same page when it comes to "charity" and acts like that. He is from a hard working, loving family, but they are not of the "church"...and neither are my family. I do attend a church, and we all hlep each other out, whether it is by cooking meals for needy families( after a baby or illness etc) or provide assistance in the form of hampers at Xmas, driving people places....etc etc.
So when i saw that a young bloke needed a room for a week i was thinking nothing of offering him one. My hubby struggled with it, but he wanted to honour my wishes, and so he agreed.
WE had a couple arguments in the first few days as it was weird having someone else in our home, and hubby didnt like that my attention was on three kids and the lodger. I did notice that we had even less time together as i was up with the lodger talking and advising, and generally trying to help him out emotionally during the time he was with us.
The good part came though, when it was Saturday night - late - kids finally in bed and hubby and i arguing as quietly as we could (normally we are yellers!). Being forced into a heated argument and having to keep our voices low provided a whole new way of arguing for us. Because it was quiet, we HAD to be more respectful, and therefore our discussion wasnt so heated. We nutted out our opinions, and we resolved the conflict in record time and without being mean and nasty - blessing #1.
During the week i spent many hours talking with the lodger and helping him to acknowledge some key adult-behaviours that he needed to adopt. It helped hubby and i crystallize our parenting plan for our own children, and also helped us to see how we would react to a child acting in the same manner as the lodger - blessing #2.
When he finally left yesterday hubby and i could take a big deep breath and realise how we had just sown into a young bloke's life with seeds of harmony, and example of how a family should be. We now know without doubt that unity means harmony, and together we looked after this bloke - blessing #3.
The best thing we got out of the week is that hubby is really proud of me for caring so much about other people that i would let someone into an already busy household, and i would love them like my own child. And i am proud of my hubby for accepting that this is the desire of my heart, and whilst it is ludicrous to him, he allowed me to shine with the gifts i am developing too - blessing #4.

a Lost Friendship

Last night while i was up very late for many hours with my baby (she wouldnt sleep and would just want to be rocked and fed and cuddled) I began to think about a friendship that i used to have that has now fizzled out.
We met when our kids were 3 and in the same kindy. The kids were the best of friends and always played together so one day we organised to have a play date together to meet. We hit it off instantly and found we had much in common (we were even in the hospital together at the same time when we had the kids). We began what was to be a very close friendship, she even helped plan and organise my baby shower for my second baby. There were many many days and nights that we spent with the kids playing and us talking about life.
I journeyed with her as she planned and then subsequently left her husband. I supported her through this time, always there on the phone, or in person, being a shoulder to cry on, cooking a meal or six and just being the best friend i could be.
Her journey was fraught with regret, sadness, disappointment and eventually depression, and i could see her slowly but surely disintegrating as her life changed and she found that it was really hard as a single mum. Her own mother was very hard on her (for ethnic reasons) and she didnt have a lot of friends. I could see her depression really taking hold and supported her fully in all her decisions and kindly offered advice where appropriate.
I think this is where our friendship started to decline. Looking back i realise now that perhaps she is too sick to want advice. Perhaps she feels threatened by me as i may be perceived to pity her, and while i have "it all together" (not really!) maybe that is too much to take when one is so depressed?
I have just had another baby and in the last year and a half i have had little contact with her, she doesnt know my son or daugther at all. i still see her sometimes at school, but all last year i chose not to go into the school yard as i didnt want to say what was really on my mind, and so i avoided all contact.
about 4mths ago she text me saying how much she missed me and that she was sorry she hadnt been in touch etc etc. she asked if we could meet up for a coffee and i was a little non-committal to which she responded "i promise we are meeting up this weekend!" (I guess she knew how flaky she had become). We had a lovely chat, and caught up on each other's lives, but i vowed not to put too much into it until i could see some commitment from her side.
I realise now 4mths later after only seeing her once when Addi was born, that I was right to be cautious.
She sent me a text early December asking that we dont do Xmas presents for the kids anymore, and i thought it was just a financial decision, and so of course thought nothing of it. Now i realise that this was her way of cutting me off.
I sent her a text not long after the Xmas present one, saying that things were a bit tough for me at that time and i sure could use a friend. She replied saying that things were tough for her too....but didnt ask how i was going with a new baby.
I saw her at school yesterday and she ignored me. I guess i was ignoring her too as i kept my back to her and busied myself with the other girls in the school yard. it didnt hurt actually, more it was an act of defiance, almost as if with my back to her i was saying "screw you, i dont need a friend like you". I feel bad that i felt i had to behave like that, but i feel like i would be fake if i said hello and pretended that i wanted to talk to her.
Frankly i dont want to hear about how hard her life is now. I am sick of caring and wanting to support her. I feel like i have not been given anything back.
I sent her a text at 3.45am telling her that our friendship is over, and that i am sad about that as i really enjoyed our friendship 3-5yrs ago. I feel such a sense of loss, but also i feel strong now knowing that i have set my boundaries and i wont be taken advantage of (even if it wasnt intended) anymore.
How sad that we cant have friendships always lasting forever. How sad that people get so broken that they forget there are people counting on them. I have to remember that i cant save people from themselves, i can only offer up a shoulder to lean on and then the rest is up to them. And also that if they have finished leaning and want to walk on their own, then that's their perogative too.
i will always miss you Marie. I wish we had a continuing friendship.....

a Right to Birth

I have had three births - the first was on a table, epidural, people evertwhere!
The second and third were waterbirths in a Birth Centre with one midwife and my husband.....hhmmm, i know which two i preferred.

The Australian Government is trying very hard to force midwives back into the hospital system, where there is more intervention via induction, c-section and poking and prodding.
When are people going to realise that birthing is a natural process that women were created to do? !!!
I get so annoyed when i hear women tell me that they have an obstetrician overseeing their pregnancy, when they are LOW risk, healthy women. Do you go to the doctor every time you get a cold just because it could turn into pneumonia? NO! So why do you need to see a specialist when you are experiencing a normal pregnancy?
They go because they believe the hype...that they could die, that their baby could die, that there could be complications, that they may need induction, that their baby may be too large to birth normally...the list goes on and on.
But for all they know, they could birth just fine, or they could get hit by a bus, or they could birth in a taxi on the way to hospital and their doctor!
I believe women need to be monitored during pregnancy, but that they should be treated to the expertise of a midwife that is passionate for natural birthing.
Labour does not have to be excruiciating! It can be joyful, intense, and wonderful!
It doesnt have to be heaviyl monitored with drips and heart rate monitors and epidurals stopping you from actively moving around. The wonderful thing about active childbirth is that you move around so your baby can make its way in to the birth canal. You rock and sway and hum and chant and breathe that little being into this world. It is primal. It is instinctual. It is how God intended us to birth.
It does not need to be agonsising and scary and an ordeal.

I challenge women around the world to spread to good news about birthing, in order to encourage new mothers to release the fear they have and to embrace this moment in their lives.
Being a woman and being able to birth is a privilege, and so to have the government legislate how they can birth is a travesty!
If a woman wants total care, then let her. If a woman wants to birth in her lounge room, then let her! If a woman wants something in between then let her!
This is about removing the fears and the barriers facing pregnant women. Allowing them to make safe decisions for their own lives, and not being controlled by law.

We all know that we can die on our roads...but does the government legislate that we cannot drive on them? No. They say we can stick to a speed limit, and not drink and drive.
So too, they should apply the same rules to childbirth.....we can have midwives care for us at home provided it is a normal low risk pregnancy and that the home environment is sound for birthing!

Something to think about....

A Personal Journey with Three Children

This is the first foray into blogging, and i thought it may be helpful to share my experiences as a new Mother of Three for those out there going through the same thing!

My children are 8yrs, 2yrs and 4months. I am tired, but happy, stressed, but calm, and busy, but feeling rewarded.

Some days i am none of these things, some days i am more.

Prior to having my second and third children i would look at women who had three children and think "my goodness, why are you so ratty?" or "yes they seem to have lost the plot today", or "why do they not enjoy their children?"

Now i can understand why they look so ratty! Taking care of more than two children is a whole new world of pain.....and happiness! Suddenly there are no more hands, no more feet and no one to help you through the day until hubby gets home.

I hope that through reading about my experiences, you will come to know that you are not alone and perhaps even feel better about your situation!

This morning I nearly lost my baby due to my 2yr old pushing over a pedestal fan. The baby w

as laying on her tummy on the floor and had she rolled to the left, she would not be with us now. Thank God she rolled to her right. Needless to say the fan is now removed.

Then I was vaccuming and had her on her bouncer at the back of the chaise lounge. My back was turned for only a minute and there was the 2y.o pulling her off the lounge. When i got to her she was dangling by a thread! Needless to say i am now not putting her on the back of the chaise!

Today was too close for comfort. My nerves are a little frayed.