15 March Joy Dare

15 March Joy Dare

3 Gifts Given Away

 

1. my love. I gave a huge portion of my heart away and it returned to me for a while with full measure. But over time the measure lessened until it became just a trickle of a reminder of earlier days.

 

Bon Jovi say it best:

 

I should have seen it coming when the roses died
Should have seen the end of summer in your eyes
I should have listened when you said good night
You really meant good bye

Baby ain't it funny how you never ever learn to fall
You're really on your knees when you think you're standing tall
But only fools are know-it-alls and I've played that fool for you

I cried and cried
There were nights that I died for you baby
I tried and I tried to deny it that your love drove me crazy baby

Baby I thought you and me would
Stand the test of time
Like we got away with the perfect crime
But we were just a legend in my mind
I guess that I was blind

 

2. my self worth. I gave that away too. I didn’t even realise it at the time. Being swept away in matters of the heart will do that to a person at times. Being blinded by what my heart wants, and not listening to my head screaming “STOP IT” and “don’t be sucked in”, cos I so desperately wanted the fairytale.

 

3. my self respect. Being able to look in the mirror and be proud of your actions and words….I don’t think I am very proud today. In fact I am gutted at the repeating of old patterns, when I am not that person anymore.

 

What’s the gift in all of this? It’s that I am learning what my non-negotiables are in this life. Twelve years ago, actually it’s thirteen now, I was willing to sabotage my own needs for that of others, but not anymore.

Second place is not close enough to first place. And I deserve first place.

I will not lower my standards even if it means walking away.

In time the things that I want and need will come to me, I won’t have to push or “hold on” or “give it my all”. What I deserve and need will come to me, in due time.

But now is not that time.

Now is my time for the gift of self reflection and re-building. For the understanding that “giving away” can be for a time, but “taking back” is when the healing begins.